I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
