I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
