she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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