ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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