Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
