you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
