dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
