i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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