Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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