Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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