nutella sex= disaster
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
