I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
