my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
