Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
