I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
