I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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