Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
