Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
