I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
