It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
