you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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