Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
