Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize