You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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