i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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