Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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