drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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