Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
