he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
