bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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