I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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