It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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