You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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