maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
