Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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