nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
