Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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