I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.