fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
