He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
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