i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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