I smell stomach acid.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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