theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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