We're like a lot better than the average bears
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Farmville is her only friend.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm getting married
To pizza
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
