big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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