dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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