I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
