I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize