he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize