peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
