everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You ruined the universe
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
