i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
