Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
