once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
