Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
this is an emotional support booty call
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
