I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize