She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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