i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
