who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize